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June 30 蝉噪林逾静鸟鸣山更幽最近过着很清净很荒废的幸福宅女生活。每天睡到自然醒，穿舒服的亚麻，吃丰盛的早饭，泡很浓的茶，循环播放Edvin Marton的mp3，然后抱本书四仰八叉地倒在我大大软软的红色沙发里，埋在各种颜色的垫子中间一窝就是大半天，晚上捧着冰激凌看wimbledon，常常早上3,4点幽幽醒过来意识到自己又没看完最后一场，然后迷迷糊糊地摸回房间接着睡。不化妆不弄头发不逛街不喝酒完全摒弃夜生活也不用担心自己anti-social。每次暑假刚回家都像是吸饱了水的破布，懒洋洋地沉到水底，拒绝被捞回到拼拼杀杀的岸上--反正每年的六月底都是注定颓废掉的。其实该干的事早就在loading up...学德语办签证去旅游做实习--yet again，照例将会是我东奔西突的7,8,9月（但至少现在可以不设闹钟不开手机睡到日上三竿翻个身接做着我的黄粱梦）。写到这里突然发觉自己的暑假日程连续三年都没怎么变，虽然偶对每一件mission都还怀有100%的热情，但总觉得少了什么。人就是那么贱，事情多的时候想清净，真的闲了又开始没缘由地不安。但或许现在是时候找个新的出口，take some risks，干些不可理喻的事，掸掸落了灰的激情。前几天莫名其妙地删掉了mp3里所有悲悲怆怆的慢歌，在意识到之前手指已经按了confirm，几百首歌bi地一声就这么没了，当时心疼得想撞墙，事后觉得自己很装孙子。就算只听排山倒海的rock/metal， 我那种GO FOR IT！的状态暂时是回不来了。or maybe it's for the best, who knows....
在warwick uni的第一年结束，总得写几句，去年fresher's week过了之后就没再写跟大学有关的东东，不是因为没得写而是没有写的冲动,不想overanalyze自己的生活，现在仍然不想（大家看图说话），long story short: 在我美丽的lakeside韬光养晦地住了一年，loads fo parties loads of work, with joy and depression blurring toghther，很没道理地一直想逃离所以一直往london跑,看musical/play/opera/art exhibition，更想去美国。一整年还是没学会做饭，每次进厨房都是叮微波炉饭或者干脆蹭饭。第二年要搬出campus了，应该会很想念那些走路pp一扭一扭的baby swan和我可爱的ensuite single room，明年房间会小很多,但flat mates都是很熟的朋友应该会很开心~^o^~26号results day，成绩是不算坏的upper second，那些很纠结的essay topic差不多都到了first class的分数，准备好要fail的german也过得很理直气壮，speaking近乎满分，把自己小小震撼了一下。
最近看了好多电影，总算解决那套积了n年灰的hitchcock的全集，还有definitely maybe, sex n the city, the english patient, hilary and jackie, scent of a woman, ps i love you....从没连着看那么多romance，有点小晕，有点indifferent，扔不掉这种旁观者的调调。The in and out of dating got me all confused. I built up expectations and I'm feeling used.--喜欢natasha bedingfield的歌词，总是那么一针见血。刚考完试的时候看rear window，听到这么一段，突然记起一个朋友结婚之前也说过类似的话。到现在还是没有认同感但也没设么可反驳的。贴这里大家瞅瞅： Stella: When a man and a woman see each other and like each other, they ought to come together - wham! Like a couple of taxis on Broadway, not sit around analyzing each other like two specimens in a bottle.
Jeff: There's an intelligent way to approach marriage.
Stella: Intelligence! Nothing has caused the human race so much trouble as intelligence. Hah! Modern marriage!
Jeff: Now, we've progressed emotionally.
Stella: Baloney! Once, it was see somebody, get excited, get married. Now, it's read a lot of books, fence with a lot of four-syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell the difference between a petting party and a civil service exam. 最后：为杀时间而看的romance一定要配happy ending，为无聊而写的blog一定要配unexpected的结尾。蜥蜴十分钟前决定去绵阳支教。虽然还没最后敲板，但most likely是能去的。wish me luck~~^o^
ps: 蜥蜴暂时没有校内，有facebook的亲们记得加Sophia Shao~~~xxx
October 06 blah 2am i updating too frequently? it seems like i'm too keen on this when everyone's abandoning the space now. but anyway. i am sooOOOoo happy now. have to shout out loud.^o^ just came bk frm this house-party thing. itz actually just a little gathering of all those crazy house mates in emscote, drinking shots n dancing frantically. god i love these ppl. they r sooo damn easy-going n funny. i can just shed all layers of myself, relax n have fun. havent found this kind of feeling around english ppl for quite a long time. i mean when i first came to roedean, i felt like an intruder. but here in the uni, everyone's having a new life. never mind if u r a foreigner, as long as we could talk happily~join the group. add, somehow it feels good to be the only asian there. anyway, life's great. i still love london more, but i'm sure i'd be ok here. will get my head to study soon but just for the fresher's fortnight, let's party hard. ^_^ August 20 无关紧要 前一篇调调太郁闷，得马上更新一篇充下喜。虽然暂时蜥蜴还陷在行尸走肉的状态中，但总会慢慢好起来的。总说人要向前看，现在我一往前看就胸闷，所以决定往先回看下，妄想找回从前斗志满满的感觉。在电脑里翻啊翻地结果就找到这篇刚考完试写的东东。其实完全是些无关紧要的事，也没什么特别的激情，就当时是对我失败的高中生涯的悼念，琐碎得无以复加，虚妄得烟轻云淡。
六月底某天
考试总算全部搞定，在学校多呆一个礼拜收拾行李,天天party。昨天一帮人在我房间发疯，偶很high很不要命地把干白和红酒混着喝掉三瓶，结果今天早上醒来头痛到爆，一整天都晕晕乎乎的，昨天晚上干了什么完全想不起来。早知道会有那么厉害的hang over打死我也不这么喝大酒厄。。。。God damn it ….不过貌似几个泰国人更惨，醉得不省人事还大半夜摇摇晃晃地到处敲门找人聊天，结果很不幸地又撞见另外两拨人在喝大酒，于是被拖进房间又是一通猛灌,而且还是vodka来的。。。现在那几个都还瘫在床上作死尸状，估计没个一两天都活不过来了。^o^b
这几天趁着清闲，偶整天捧着本lonely planet研究日本好玩的东东，其实能不能成行都还是问题，但愿能如期拿到签证咯。我之前有抱怨过爱尔兰的签证麻烦对吧，那些话我现在统统收回！跟小日本比起来欧洲的签证完全就是幼稚园等级的小case啊~~日本大使馆根本就不给中国人发个人旅游签证的说。。。好不容易找了日本监护人寄了一堆资料号称我们是去"研习"，折腾了两个月最后居然劳师动众到日本驻华使馆帮我们两个小女生做担保。晕到不行啊~~更晕的是貌似未婚女生签证会更难，这又是什么狗屁逻辑啊，就算我对金发男人审美疲劳也不太会觉得那群短腿男魅力四射的对伐？！搞笑嘛简直~~ 看来今后旅游还是在乖乖呆在欧洲好了，拿着中国护照想当自由人其实是有点自虐的行为厄。。。
傍晚的时候下楼帮某人搬东西，结果一出门，居然看到海面上升起了两道彩虹，完美的弧线从海面一直延伸到山顶。兴奋地跑下field，站在草地的中央，满眼是蓝得透明的天空，唇边有海风湿湿的甜味，这时候教classical civilisation的老师，一个留着白色大胡子的老绅士，抱着一个大包裹经过，笑着对我说:'trying to find the pot of gold? must be 600 miles away~'(英国人相信彩虹的尽头会有罐金子)。我忍不住就笑了出来:'yeah, preciously.‘ 感觉这一切都完美得没有真实感了。很快就要离开这里，这两天总是忍不住想要到窗前再多看一眼，那些漫山遍野,会像猫一样伸懒腰的兔子，那只时不时来我窗前散步的红色狐狸，那些总是欺负兔子的海鸥。推窗见山，出门面海，这种景色估计出了roedean之后就再没机会见到了。就像high school这种完全自由放松的生活状态，没有假笑，没有束缚，无需比较，一旦出了这座象牙塔，一切都是要变的。倒不是我有多留恋这分安逸，始终都觉得自己是个不安于现状喜欢到处闯的人，但我真的不想丢掉现在这份完全平和的心境。
anyways对于离开，我从来没有太多追忆或伤感。那些无法挽留的，想要逃离的，值得珍惜的，曾经错过的，回头看其实都已经不重要了，就像沙滩上的那串脚印，下一秒就会被海浪抚平。而对于那些烙在心底的某些人某些事某些感觉某些瞬间，离别也许是最好的延续。特别喜欢TROY里ARKILIS的一句话:"The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed."---everytning is more beautiful because we are leaving。
Weep, sigh, laugh, cry
Flee from the snares that wish to deny how you feel
Hope, live, love, yearn
August 01 mumble~
I am back ！！！ just finished my three-week vacation in japan. these three weeks feel like years. now i feel so refreshed n yet exhausted at the same time. this is what i love about travelling, i get to know myself better after every journey, n i get to pick up the pieces of my life once again. i am the one who always wanna escape, from the trivia, from the hustle and bustle, from the uncertainty. when i finally get back from a strange country, i suddenly become a lookson of my life n i finally get to judge myself objectively again. at the peak of Hakodate, i got the feeling that i was longing for, it's like a bird, which tried to escape from the cage but realized that the door had always been open; it's like a sculptor who finally discovered the image asleep in the block of marble, which the human eye will follow with effortless delight. about this trip, there's way too much to say. every day was eventful. listing them one by one is simply impossible. we made the plan ourselves, which covers Sapporo, Lake Mashu, Noboribetsu, Hakodate, Sendai, Tokyo, Hakone, Nagoya, Takayama and Kyoto. the small towns were lovely, i loved taking a stroll alone on an empty street in a lazy summer afternoon. u can just bump into some accent temples along the way and draw some well water to cool ur hands. it felt like walking in a dream, a recollection, sth. that grows fainter n fainter year by year. but after all, small towns are lovely to behold, not to live in. i only feel at home in big cities, that's why i'm in mad love with Tokyo now. in this city, i got my biggest crush ever, on a married guy, a complete gentlemen, that kind of man who will hand u a handkerchief that smells Cologne when u sweat ..…..on Roppongi Hill, the most luxurious area in Tokyo, we went to the top restaurants n clubs n being treated as vips everywhere. i kept telling myself, this is a vacation, things will go back to reality soon. but how i wished time could just stop at that moment, with the nice view of a city that never sleeps n someone that i would miss out forever after......
among the other cities, kyoto was a nice one. we went to so many old temples n shrines n they just looked like a neater miniture version of the chinese temples. but i guess the unique thing abt kyoto is that the traditional things are not displayed deliberately. people live in them. they are parts of the local life style. u have to admire japanese people in this matter: kyoto was a copy of 长安城 in accent china. however, when 长安 has only vestiges left, kyoto keeps its traditional charm. with all the bridges n temples perfectly reserved or rebuilt, it's as beautiful as it ever was.
Now, sth trivia abt this trip: 1.got a PROPER decorative samurai sword~~ it was so long that i had to ship it back to shanghai separately.... 2.got a whole set of yukata/kimono, which i will never put on again (cuz i dont know how to...) but itz so nice to behold anyway. 3.the outdoor onsen in Noboribetsu was amazing, tho it smelt SO2. the other onsens meant public bath...... 4.got to know a hot American guy who was a japanese student n performed fire chain kinda thing in a festival in Kyoto. i was trying to kick the tokyo guy out of my mind so this was like a break, which worked a little. 5.was eating like a pig. food in japan is divine. in Takayama, we had so much beef that i got a horrible stomachache the next day... 6.went to watch Takarazuka/宝塚歌剧 twice, felt like going back to Roedean, all girls crew.....but one of the shows was amazing~~it was called Elisabeth, The Rondo of Love and Death~quite a lovely name~~
I'll set out for beijing on the 11th. ready to be MELT~~ April 03 adieujust wanna write sth ....randomly. i've got this weird hobby that once i get bored of my work, i take out a piece of paper n scribble. Pointless really...but i'm into it. c'mon i know u do it sometime as well, admit it~~ cant believe i'm actually bothering typing it out this time. a greatness of my randomness >_< the thing is, this might be my last blog till june, so let's soldier on.... i'm feeling superb back at home~ the one good reason is:小笼包~~~ it's a curious fact that i'm so obsessed with 小笼包---i generally embrace the plain western food with open arms n have no nostalgia of chinese food at all. but that doesn't apply for my dear包包~~it's my essence, my rock, my saviour, my boat~~~no exaggeration at all!! i'm so pleased that i could finally eat some real 小笼包，rather than the so called "soup dumplings"(yark!) of cause i tried some "小笼包" in chinatown. they all have one thing in common: the skins are too damn thick. And they tend to be gigantic. If you're lucky the filling might be just right, with a good amount of soup; but the skin.... oh the humanity! Sometimes they are so thick that I could swear I was eating a 叉烧包... apart from that, i'm loving the spring in shanghai (as i always do)~everything's so gentel---a flat contradiction to brighton, where the wind howls, the rain pours, the hail smashes n the rare sunshine burns, tho it's given the frame of a "party place"....still cant figure out what's wrong with those nuts' tastes... however i guess i'll miss there a lot once i leave it. (only 3 months 2 go!!!) cuz to be candid, the summer there is the real selling point~~~you can go hurl yourself(or someone else) into the English Channel~~tho my recomendation is simply hanging out on the beach, which is what all the other Brightonians do. it's a perfect place 2 stare at the sea n daydream n watch the world go by ^o^. maybe this summer i can finally get the chance of going 2 the Pier~~~it's merely a mini amusement park, or sth like that....n it's actually one of the few symbolic stuffs about brighton, with its elaborate silhouette, delicate rooftops and peeling paint, it seems to indicate the faded grandeur of all of brighton. having spent almost 2 yrs there, i did have a good time, but i cant imagine myself staying there any longer after graduation. things in brighton have a strange, shabby charm, like the quiet, spooky pier and i fear my passion is fading away in this crumbling atmosphere. i need 2 feel bold, passionate n aggressive. this kind of status gives me the scense of security---so that if things come, opportunity or ordeal, i'm emotionally prepared 2 handle them. but now i sort of lost the feeling, partly because i'm living 2 perfectly comfortable in roedean, my school. my friends r around, my lessons r ok, the staff r reasonable--things r working out quite well. but every time when my life slips into a easier circumstance, i'll panic. i always feel that they only let u be this comfortable when they r prepared 2 take something from u. i know it sounds random, i'm writing these out so that i could forget about these bullshits n look only ahead~~~~~~~~
guess i wont bother writing anything till summer, so adieu ~
再嚷一下：14班的亲们~~偶一直有看大家的blog对吧，但发觉总是没有更新的喵~~到今天才发现原来好多人都搬家搬了好久了的说~~！！像是effie啦颗粒啦苗苗啦。。。偶有种与时代脱节的感觉:'( March 26 ｗｈａｔｅｖｅｒ发觉只要人在学校就懒得更新，现在又爬回上海了，一定要写！！ 自打halfterm回去以后生活就变得没什么可说的了，懒得逛街懒得泡吧懒得练球，基本上就是整天整天地窝在房间里，一遍一遍地看shakespear in love一遍一遍地读the kite runner。（对这两样是中毒得没药救了。）定期收到长篇大论的情书，也只当作英语阅读练习。发觉自己真的是不能在一个地方呆太久，特别是brighton这种小地方。一旦失去了新鲜感，生活就变成了routine。像我这种人要没了激情就什么都没了。最近唯一的变化就是蜥蜴在挣扎了很久之后，终于决定要学德语~~之前学了一点点法语一点点西班牙语一点点意大利语但都没什么特别的热情，但这次有很恐怖的dictator anton在隔壁盯着应该能学下去了。。。jasmine你表笑，让她教你法语也是一个下场。。。 总而言之，偶的中心思想就是：一定要去伦敦～～～ＳＯＰＨＩＡ ＨＥＡＲ ＬＯＮＤＯＮ ＣＡＬＬＩＮＧ～～ＢＵＴ ＨＥＲ Ａ－ＬＥＶＥＬ ＥＸＡＭＳ Ｒ ＳＨＯＵＴＩＮＧ ＲＡＴＨＥＲ ＬＯＵＤＬＹ。。。（我哭o>_<o~~~）
这个easter不能再到处疯玩了厄，要做好小孩，乖乖看功课，说什么也要meet到LSE的offer！
（以下纯属及其random的无聊抱怨，视觉污染，建议读者略过） 刚刚查了下LSE的学期日程，狂喷茶，太震撼了。。。一整年上课6个月放假6个月的说~~~差不多上两个月的课就放一次假厄~~~最离谱的summer term,上两个月放三个月。。。。简直荒废啊~~然后又转念一想，我现在的学校要是加上halfterm差不多也是放那么多的假嘛。。。（为什么我到现在才意识到啊）~~天啊，我的人生啊~就这么蹉跎掉了啊！！ 问：为什么写那么无聊的一篇？ 答：（神志不清中）What light is light, if Ｓｏｐｈｉａ be not seen? What joy is joy, if Ｓｏｐｈｉａ be not by? （直接被pia飞）guess nobody got the joke....but anyway. Have a nice Easter. February 26 random最讨厌阴阴得下小雨的天气了。偏偏OXFORD这两天一直都是这副嘴脸。也好，给自己个理由赖在宾馆睡觉看碟。 又是halfterm。theoretically，这应该是偶高中两年里最最清闲的一个halfterm，没有考试没有interview没有prep。但地球人都知道，蜥蜴最喜欢跟自己过不去，于是乎，这成了我有史以来最累最折腾最马不停蹄东奔西突，but so far，最开心的halfterm-break ^o^ 偶的行程：brighton--->london--->ireland--->london--->oxford 爱尔兰一直是偶“must-visit list”上的第一条~~因为yeats, wilde, joyce, medieval castle，river dance, irish coffee, celtic silver, ect ect ect……..反正一大串偶喜欢的东西都和她有交集。 决定去了之后，从上个月开始办签证，结果，意料之外地麻烦！！虽然偶觉得自己还算个蛮爱国的小孩对吧，但有时看到那张中国护照还真他妈想撕诶~~去那么近的爱尔兰居然还折腾到偶整天整天地翘课，早上6点多赶火车去伦敦使馆。。。三次！！偶心疼那些火车票啊~~~偶护照上那三十几页纸已经被各种国家的签证贴得一张不剩了。下次回去还得换本护照。麻烦麻烦麻烦死了。 but anyway，最后偶还是到了dublin，玩遍了belfast, dublin, cork, galway并且活着回来了~~~大家都说这绝对是个奇迹，for sum1 like me ^_^b 细节懒得多说，大家看照片啦~~ps:照片里面挺random的中年妇女是偶去galway的时候认识的加拿大银行家，她因该算是偶见过的最健谈最热情的人了~~一起在galway玩了一整天之后还邀请我去加拿大玩~~这让我觉得如果偶今后真去了investment bank之类的地方工作也不一定就是世界末日，如果同事都能那么nice的话 n_n
前几天回到伦敦，早上才下飞机下午就要赶去UCL的open day。讲座是意料之中的无聊，无非就是说俺们学校是伦敦最好的你们来不吃亏的之类之类。听了半小时之后偶就从后门溜回宾馆睡觉了。既然offer是一样的，偶应该会选LSE才对。如果五月的考试顺利过的话，接下来三年偶就会在london享受有街逛有吧泡的幸福生活~~~~~像剑桥那样沉闷的地方毕竟还是跟我不来电厄。。。。。 另外待在london的一大好处就friends r all a phone call away~~昨天和一帮朋友吃饭算是偶的生日party，之后还去看了Wicked，发觉新近的音乐剧都不是那么出彩厄。。。在london看的所有剧里基本上也就只有phantom和les miserables算得上经典，到了Wicked或是We'll Rock You就有点差强人意了。。。还长得不行，害偶错过火车，最后只能坐coach去牛津，到宾馆已经1点了厄 o>_<o 一想到马上就要回brighton了就有种很放心的感觉，至少不用再拖那二十几公斤的行李箱赶飞机赶火车赶coach了（。。。在爱尔兰买太多东西了。。。）回去好好学习天天练球，再撑三个月然后跟女校kissing goodbye~~~~~~london i'm coming~~~~~~
*突然发现照片传不全诶 ~sign~
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